Khi người lớn cô đơn

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YMCONLINE.VN – Những ngày nhập học khóa mới đang đến gần. Nó phi xe trong con ngõ nhỏ lùi lụt giữa lòng thành phố, thầm nghĩ, trở thành ổ dịch sốt xuất huyết cũng không khiến chỗ này đáng chán hơn được… Phanh gấp! Đang tính nhăn nhó, thì thấy hóa ra chiếc xe vụng về phía trước là của một ông bố đang chở đồ lỉnh kỉnh hẳn là cho đứa con gái vào phòng trọ mới. Nó bất giác thấy mình thật lẻ loi, đứa trẻ sắp lớn kia cũng thật lẻ loi, và trên gương mặt bụi bặm của người cha cũng chất chứa sự cô độc dường như là vô thức.

Từ khá lâu đã có bài báo về “thế hệ cô đơn” – những người trẻ của thời đại công nghệ lớn lên cứ dần chìm đắm trong cô đơn. Quả thực, độ tuổi 18, 19 ai nấy cũng ít nhiều đơn độc thật, nhưng do tác dụng của công nghệ thì ít, mà do thay đổi thế giới quan thì nhiều. Khỏi phải nói giờ đứa trẻ con cũng biết 18, 19 là ngưỡng tuổi vào đại học hoặc ra trường đời, phải tự lập hơn , bước vào thế giới rộng lớn, bắt đầu phải xa gia đình,…v…v

Nhưng phải đến khi ngồi ngây ngốc một mình trong căn phòng trọ bừa bộn, không biết mình nên đi đâu giữa cuộc đời quá nhiều sinh mệnh ồn ào ích kỷ, ai đó mới thấm thía mình đang cô độc nhường nào. Và chúng ta ôm trong lòng mỗi người một nỗi mệt mỏi riêng, thấy trân trọng bố mẹ và gia đình hơn bao giờ hết. Thay vì đòi hỏi hạnh phúc xa xỉ, chúng ta thấy mình trưởng thành khi lòng ấm áp trước mỗi cuộc gọi cụt lủn của bố, hay câu chuyện tràng giang đại hải với mẹ khi về nhà.

Chúng ta quá mệt mỏi với sự cô độc của chính mình, coi bố mẹ, gia đình là liều thuốc giải, và nghĩ mình được cứu vãn đôi chút vậy là ổn. Và quên rằng những người lớn ta đã dựa vào từ trước đến nay cũng đang phải đối mặt với nỗi cô đơn sầm sập ập tới.

Nếu ai đã từng ở xa nhà, chắc không khỏi xót lòng khi một ngày về bất ngờ thấy bữa cơm nhà khác hẳn khi có mình. Mẹ sẽ bảo, có ít người nên không muốn bày vẽ. Câu đấy dịch ra là vì không có con nên bố mẹ cũng không buồn ăn nhiều. Nói cách khác, thì bố mẹ đang lẻ loi lắm, vì nhìn thế nào con cũng là hi vọng, là nguồn vui lớn nhất, lại đột nhiên rời xa như vậy.

Con càng háo hức với tương lai, bố mẹ lại càng cô đơn theo một cách biết rõ là ích kỷ nhưng không thể dập tắt được. Những người lớn trong gia đình luôn bảo chúng ta hãy cố mà tự lập, nhưng họ cũng có một nỗi lo lắng mơ hồ rằng con chim nhỏ khi đủ lông đủ cánh sẽ không cần đến họ nữa. Ta vẫn thường sống vì người khác nhiều hơn ta tưởng – nhiều bậc cha mẹ mất cả mục tiêu sống khi con cái trưởng thành, rồi buồn rầu, rồi trầm cảm, thậm chí có người nghĩ quẩn.

Những người lớn chai sạn vẫn dễ khiến ta hiểu lầm rằng họ luôn ổn.

Nó nghĩ ngợi chút chút và bớt chửi đổng cái thành phố này trong câm lặng. Xét cho cùng xã hội vốn dĩ đâu có quan tâm đến nhau, huyết thống cũng chỉ là một sự kết nối tượng trưng. Trưởng thành không phải là biết tìm chỗ dựa để bớt cô đơn, mà là biết kéo người thương yêu lại dựa vào mình. Quay lại thấy bé con vừa hoang mang vừa tò mò đi theo xe bố như sau một người hùng, thấy cũng buồn cười, mà cũng ấm áp ghê.

Xen

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